The 26th Annual O.Henry Pun-Off World Championships were held in Austin, Texas, May 3, 2003.

The winners of Punniest of Show were:

1st - Carlotta Stankiewicz
2nd -Judy Dean & her mother, June Morris
3rd - Steve Nagel

There were 23 competitors in the High Lies & Low Puns competition. Here two contestants are given a topic such as "Internal Body Parts". Each contestant has 5 seconds to come up with a new pun on the topic or be eliminated. If you make a pun on a word that has been punned before (such as liver) you get one strike and with 3 strikes you are eliminated.

The winners of High Lies & Low Puns were:

1st - Brian Snider
2nd - David Gugenheim
3rd - Greg Chandler

The McClughan Memorial Most Viable Punster Award was selected by the
competitors themselves and was awarded to

Carlotta Stankiewicz.

Herer are the winning routines:
"M & M, the Candy Wrapper" by Carlotta Stankiewicz

Carlotta came out dressed as a rapper with an M & M tee shirt and wowed
the audience and judges with this routine done entirely in rap:


Yo! Yo!
Hey, look at me
It's gonna he
Like taking candy from a BABY RUTH
That's the truth!
Cause this 0. HENRY BARd's gonna LICK these SUCKERS
While the crowd SNICKERS and CHUCKLES.
My puns are GOOD N PLENTY;
That's what I MINT, see!
Just watch as this TOOTSIE ROLLS with the punches
And NESTLE CRUNCHES her competition.

JUJUBE saying, Look at her, she's RED HOTS!
Nothing can GOBSTOPPER!
Watch her WHOPPER opponents!

Look at HERSHEY BARS their way
With wordplay
SKITTLE be my PAYDAY!
You'll see what I mean;
I'll have 'em PRALINE for mercy.

Just CHOCOLATE up to experience;
Ain't gonna FUDGE a bit,
Ain't gonna budge a bit
Till your JAWBREAKERS open and
Your GUMDROPS out and you shout
That's one witty CHICLET who treats us to her TWIX
While she PIXY STIX it to the others.

Yo! Hate to burst your BUIBBLEGIJM, ya DUM-DUMs,
But the time has come
To see this STARBURST upon the scene.
Wanna beat me? BUTTERFINGER out a way.
Better get a LIFESAVER, all you MILK DUDS & GOOBERS.
You're in for MOUNDS of TRUFFLE,
Cause SUGAR, in the end,
It's M&M they all clap fer
It's M&M, the CANDY WRAPPER!

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"PUNelope's Come-upPUNce: An ExPUNentially Ridiculous Tale of Capital
(of Texas) PUNishment" by Judy Dean and June Morris

First time competitors, Judy Dean and her mother, June Morris, presented
this rapid interchange on the word "pun":


Judy: Now listen carefully to deePUN appreciation and helP
UNderstanding. Once UPUN a time...
June: Is this about a PUNny rabbit?
No.
PUNocchjo?
No, it's about a sPUNky little girl.
RaPUNzel!
No, it's about PUNelope ChipPUNdale, a poor girl in homesPUN clothes
recovering from an apPUNdectomy. She was having cinnamon PUNs and
JaPUNese tea, when she decided to go PUNgee jumping in AsPUN.
Oh, that sounds like PUN!
You mean fun.
No, I mean PUN.
So she drove off in her blue SuburPUN uP UNtil she ran out of gas, then
she walked until her PUNions ached. Finally she came to a PUNinsula in
PeloPUNesia where she found a PUNgalow festoooned with PUNting and a
PUNana tree out front with an aPUNdance of fruit that had just riPUNed.
She had no comPUNction about picking a PUNana for herself, I suppose?
Oh, she was afraid of getting caught and PUNished, so she knocked on the
door but accidentally PUNched a hole in it. Then the door oPUNed and
there stood a PUNjabi wearing a cummerPUNd and perPUNdicular to his side
a sword.
A weaPUN!
So PUNelope asked for a PUNana. And the PUNjabi said, "Help yourself,
but first bring me a carPUNter."
So did she find a carPUNter?
Yeah, she called Karen CarPUNter, who arrived PUNctually with some
ramPUNctious fans on their way to a PUNk rock concert.
CarPlJNters fans don't like PUNk rock.
Oh, they were going just to protest. They'd been drinking tropical PUNch
all day.
So they were PUNch drunk?
By then they all needed to exPUNge, so one by one they stepped behind
the PUNana tree.
Oh no!
Oh, yes! Then the PUNjabi came out and detected a PUNgent odor. He
demanded, "What's hapPUNing?
And?
Then Karen CarPUNter said, "Just like me, they had to pee close to you."
Thankfully, the end.

======

"Accounting For Bad Taste: My Family Tree" by Steve Nagle

The Bronze metal went to Steve Nagle for this multilingual routine:

I came by my confusion about words naturally. I grew up hearing my
grandparents speak to me in four languages. These are the stories they
told me about my family origins and their philosopies of life.

My English grandfather, Hugh Morris Wird-Pleigh said:

"If ONE wants TWO follow the family THREE, it requires some FOURsight.
I know. FIVE done it! Though it made me SIX sometimes. Its seven harder
than you think, makes you EIGHT your assi-NINE relatives, off-TEN."

My German grandfather was Otto Nobader. He said:

"Drink!! I'm not l'EIN. Dats ZWEI DREI ice and cold VIER are my recipe
for gut time. Can have FUNF! Lots of SECHS, SIEBEN. I ACHT-o know. It
can be a NEUN to others, but it keeps you ZEHN!"

My French/Scottish grandmother, Anne-Marie McQuick told me:

"UN(h)! DEUX TROIS to listen! I came on ze ship "Leon d'Afrique," but
ze QUATRE CINQ On ze SIX! I was SEPT to begin farming huit. But E-NEUF!
I met your grandfather, and DIX is how it EES!"

My last grandmother was Spanish royalty. Her name was Leticia Juana
Countess Blassings. The countess told me:

"I am UNO DOS 'at TRES my origins QUATRO far, don't you CINCO? No
matter what anyone SEIS, SIETE your sights on OCHO want, an' NUEVE
goodbye to bad times. Other people have bad cards? Not you! You hold DIES!"