Other 2006 P.O.S.Transcripts

Henry Lynn of Austin, TX received 38 out of a possible 40 points to tie for 5th place in the 2006 Punniest of Show competition with this political discussion of breads.

BREAD - Henry Lynn

Anyway you SLICE it, Texas officials are working against the WHOLE
GRAIN of what the common man stands for. I want to say to them,
"What's the MATZO with you? Have you FOCACCIA roots? Stop PAN-dering
to the upper CRUST, they don't KNEAD DOUGH. BRUSCHETTA aside these
HALF-BAKED NAN issues and TART to PHYLLO our pain."

We, the ROLL-etariat, deserve BUTTER. We work hard to make this
state great, especially compared with how the FRENCH LOAF. I say take
the piggy bank, CRACKER wide open and PUMPERNICKELS into health care,
education and a HOLY HOST of progressive reforms.

SOURDOUGH I may seem, I don't mean to be RYE. I'd hate to stand here
and tell you there's MUFFIN you can do about it. But, you'd BISCUIT
your BUNS down to the polls this November to vote. It's the YEAST you
can do. Me? I like Kinky Friedman. He's KOSHER his BRAN of reform
will break the MOLD that you can bet CIABATTA dollar that's who I'll
vote for.

On that note, I'd like to make a TOAST, well a shout out anyway, to
all the folks working to get Kinky elected-- CHALLAH!

copyright 2006 Henry Joseph Lynn

*********************************************************************************

Cynthia Bowers received 34 out of a possible 40 points for this
presentation at the 29th Annual O. Henry Pun-Off World Championships

THE HALF NAKED TRUTH - Cynthia Bowers

Ladies wear and gentlemen, I'll do my Sunday-breast to tell you the
half-naked truth.
My first husband was Randy. That was also his name. Randy was a
boxer, a buff, jocular strapping man from Down Under where life in
the Bush can be pretty hairy. We moved because prices went thigh-hi
and everything costume much.
He turned don and doff at the drop of a hat, but he was the cat's
pajamas. We'd lingerie around watching old shows on the boob tube
like The Wonder Bra Years and I Love Lacey and even Leave it to Beaver.
When the NY Knickers were on, we'd go to Hooters for g-string beans
with fetish cheese and fringe fries, or share a wedgie of pie and
polish off a Knob Creek. Then we'd grab some Heinies and go skivvy
dipping.
Of corset, not till we were fully divested. Though we apparel
immature, we were just a pair of late bloomers.
Then the unmentionables happened. Randy was killed by a stiletto.
Actually two; they were mine and he was wearing them. I was charged
with negligee homicide, though it was an accident: seams he fell
head over Cuban heels and knocked his noggin against his drawers.
I called my slick stockings broker and hit a snag. I nude I could
change his mind if we talked in private parts, so I padded into his
office and implanted myself in a backless seat.
"Ah, the merry widow," He said, "I'll help you, Babydoll, but you
can't give falsie testimony or try to pull the woollies over my eyes."
"Cross my heart and anyway, it's all a load of crepe!" Dropping his
pretences he let me check out his briefs, then came up for a nightcap.
Oh, what a nightie! The long Johns and shorties of it is we made an
unclad agreement to cleavage to one another in holey mattressmony.

copyright 2006 Cynthia Bowers

*********************************************************************************