PUNDITS FROM 1997
PunPunPun.com > PUNDITS FROM 1997-1998 > PUNDITS FROM 1997
| Inside PUNDITS FROM 1997 |
|
|
November 1997
"No flu shot for me!"
He opened the window wide
And influenza.
A controversy is raging this morning in the French Academy of Sciences between factions of zoologists and paleontologists.
The argument centers on the identification of a fossil skull found by student naturalists doing fieldwork near the northern French village of D'Eau-Remy.
The more conservative scientists hold the majority opinion that the skull is from an extinct species of
Ape similar to the Barbary ape of Gibraltar, which is the last living primate still found in Europe. Spokesperson for this opinion, Dr. Luke Monand of the University of Lyons, stated that many types of primate roamed what is now Italy
and Spain about five million years ago, and it had been long theorized that some may have even traveled as far as the Franco-German border. The lesser-held but more spectacular view stated by Auguste Delacorde of the Natural History
Museum of Paris declares that the skull is from neither ape nor man and accepts the find as positive proof of the existence of the legendary monster known to the ancient Frankish tribes as 'Tit-dos' (pronounced tee-doe), in many ways similar to the North American Sasquatch and the Tibetan Yeti. The task of identifying the fossil has been given to Drs. Hardy Froliche of the Museum of Life (Musee de la Vie) in Geneva and Isabel Deschamps of the French Academy, both noted paleontologists.
The European scientific community is now awaiting the answer to one of the most unusual problems ever encountered. Did the skull belong to a well-traveled ape or is the
D'Eau-Remy fossil a Tit-dos?
A young aspiring lawyer walks into a bar. He asks,
"Is this where I take the exam?"
Next to him is a guy carrying a lizard on his shoulder. He says to the bartender, "Double whiskey for me and" (pointing to the lizard) and a half-pint of Guinness for Tiny here.
"Why do you call him Tiny?" asked the bar man.
" Cos he's my newt."
"... It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades. Here are a few comments taken from test papers, essays, etc., submitted by these future leaders of society.
•· The body consists of three parts- the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity.
The branium contains the brain,
the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five, a, e, i, o, and u.
•· H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
•· Water is composed of two gins, oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin, and hydrogin is gin and water.
•· Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
•· Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
•· Equator: A menagerie lion running around the Earth through Africa. ... and last
•· A skeleton is what's left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off.
David Ashby toll us this one in the Globe and Mail newspaper-
As Quasimodo (was there ever a Realmodo?) was taking off for the Bell Ringers' Olympics, he tried to cram the great bell of Notre Dame into an overhead compartment.
" I'm sorry," said the flight attendant,
"That's only for carillon luggage."
A few daffynitions formed from the New Wacksters dictionary:
Ardor - How you must work to get with the opposite sex.
Benign -After you be eight
Carnival -The belly button on a Volkswagen.
Division -How you see the remains of things.
See what I mean?
Dr. Perusek, of Ada, Ohio, was perusing in the Columbus Dispatch and prescribed that we share these in the Pundit. "... you'll get a howl, a groan, or at least a smile.
" Headline Grabbers"
•· Include your children, when baking cookies.
•· Some thing went wrong in jet crash, expert says.
•· Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers.
•· Hospitals are sued by 7 foot doctors.
•· Iraqi head seeks arms
•· Prostitutes appeal to the Pope.
•· Panda mating fails; veterinarian takes over.
•· Clinton wins on budget but more lies ahead.
•· Plane too close to ground, crash probe told.
•· Miners refuse to work after death.
•· Two sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter
•· Chief throws his heart into helping feed needy.
Thanks Doc, we feel better already.
As we approach this, the happiest time of the year, our thoughts go to giving and getting. What your going to get right here is a Shaggy Horse story that we received on the Web via e mail from SRpunster@aol.com, a prolific provider of word fun to the Punsters United Nearly Yearly, a group of paranamours the likes of which you have to like. He sends:
Noren Eron, the great Norse comic decided to bring his act to America. He booked several shows in the northern states and did well. He then took his act down south, but he realized that the farther south he went, the less the crowd appreciated his act which had the poor guy miffed. When he got to the Deep South, no one got his act at all. After many disappointing sets, he 'went postal' one night. This goes to show you,
You should never book a miffed Norse in the south
This year as in all years past, the "Pundit Book Shelf" is open for gift fulfillment. In addition to these pun and word fun filled books members of the Foundation have always taken the opportunity to give their friends, business associates, relatives, and maybe even their pun hating (if that's possible) enemies a membership in the International Save the Pun Foundation.
Use the enclosed coupon for easy giving.
WHAT IF DR. SEUSS WROTE COMPUTER TECH MANUALS?
If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
And the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
And the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
Then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!
If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
And the double-clicking icons put your window in the trash,
And your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
Then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gonna crash!
If the label on your cable on the gable at your house,
Says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
But your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
That's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall.
And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
So your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
Then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'Cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!
When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
And the microcode instructions cause unnecessary RISC,
Then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM,
Quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your MOM!
See Yule next month.
Volume 18 number 11
The Pundit is the official newsletter of the
International Save the Pun Foundation.
It is published for the inspiration and enjoyment of its members.
____________________________________________
Membership in the foundation comes in 4 sizes:
$29.00 for 1 year, $55.00 for 2 years, $80.00 for 3 years, and lasts and lasts, a Life Membership, which includes 5 years of the Pundit with a certificate of Life Membership, suitable for framing for $125.00.
Circulation Manager: Tym Tureenu
Customer Service: Leslie Mortimer
Publisher: Jim Hilborn
Chairman of the Bored: Norman Gilbert
_________________________________________________
The International Save the Pun Foundation,
Box 5040, Station A, Toronto On M5W1N4, Canada
Tel (416) 223 3351, Fax (416) 223 2236,
E mail ngilbert@netcom.ca
Soon on the web at http://www.punpunpun.com/
Norman Gilbert ISSN 072-1318
October 1997
A day without puns is like a day without sunshine; there's gloom for improvement
Double u, clone a
Ewe, two times you. Punpunpun.
Calm. We're on the web.
By the time you have this newsletter in your hand, cyberspace will have been witness to the birth of the International save the Pun Foundation's presence on the web. As the quasi -Haiku suggests, http://www.punpunpun.com/ is the address for pun and games for all members of the ISTPF to come to visit, to play with words, to get updated, and to generally be in touch with all the other world's paranomasiacs in giga seconds. Try us. You'll like us. We welcome any and all comments regarding this venture into space.
Dave Tozier, California's answer for most things says, "I took my wife to her couturier to ‘return a dress.'
Our return address now has many folds:
The web site, www.punpunpun.com ,
Email, ngilbert@netcom.ca,
Fax, (416) 223 2236,
And snail mail to, PO. Box 5040; Station A,
Toronto Ontario, Canada, M5W1N4.
As the fisherman on the skyscraper suggested,
"Keep those cods and ladders coming."
Our happiest times happen when you are sharing your fun with words, via the aforementioned many highways of communication, with all of your fellow members in the ISTPF. Here is an abundance of these shares from which I'm sure you will profit. They came to us from Lewis O'Brien, who is among the most philanthropic word givers in this guild, and as you invest your time in this offering. You will note that, although it is not filled with puns, it is philled with phun.
These are actual announcements taken from church bulletins.
•· Don't let worry kill you. Let the Church help.
•· Thursday night-Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
•· Remember in prayer the many that are sick of our church and community.
•· For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
•· The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
•· This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the Church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
•· Tuesday at 4 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
•· Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
•· Thursday at 5 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers please see the minister in his private Study.
•· This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
•· The service will close with "Little Drops of Water". One of the ladies
will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.
•· Next Sunday, a special collection will be take to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
•· The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
•· A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
Music will follow.
•· At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
•· Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
•· The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10th and 11th.
•· The Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to Church secretary.
•· Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
•· The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
•· Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
•· The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
•· The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge, Up Yours."
Some of the boys of summer are still around, bringing another season of baseball to a close. It would beef hitting therefore that some part of this issue be dedicated to the World Series. It was the last half of the ninth, the bases were loaded, the score was tied, and there were none out. Beethoven must have been a Yankee fan. (See the April 1996 issue of the Pundit for this reference.)
Dave Beswick, the man who brought us, "Bald Men always Come Out On Top"
has given rise to these three hairy tales from Tyler G. Kaus, at Boulder, Co
A three hundred-pound footballer went to a costume party disguised as a lion. While helping himself at the buffet table, he knocked over a bowl of vichyssoise, which soaked the long flowing hair on the back of his suit.
It was heard, it is plain,
"It's SOUPERMANE".
He was losing his hair. Undaunted, he spent most of his day rearranging that that was left to cover his receding hairline. He used all manner of tonics, pills and restorers. He became so confused he didn't know whether he was combing or growing.
. And last, A teenager, with beautiful long blonde locks, shaved his head to the wood so that he could join a local gang of toughs. His mother wailed, "Hair today, Goon tomorrow."
Seymour Kapetansky has collected some collective nouns for our July request for a bunch of puns. Here then, for all of us, are what Seymour has called,
"Collectively Speaking."
•· A corps of apples
•· A bowl of weevils
•· A tower of pizza (this is the Latin plural for Pizzus)
•· A gaggle of gigglers
•· A litter of litterers
•· A mix of masters
•· Scads of cads
•· A collective of nouns.
And a limerick with tinge of blewe from Seymour tewe.
Said a shepherd, "I know that its odd o' me
But I fear I'm succumbing to sodomy;
It's no fun to reveal
Just how sheepish I feel
But my sheep seem to think quite a lot o' me."
(an alternate last line might be)
My Doc thinks I might need a
low bottom(y).
It is always nice to see more from Mr. Kapetansky.
As we bring October's issue to its closing paragraphs, let me remind you that, into each life a little strain must fall.
In the November issue, which is next, we will have had several web like experiences that we will share ware ever it is possible to do so. Look too, to November for the suggestions and coupons for the upcoming giving and getting season. Our bookshelf has been expanded to accommodate almost all of your literary gifting ideas, so watch this space as it gets bigger and better.
Is bilious the feeling you get when you open your mail at the first of the month?
Volume 18 number 10
The Pundit is the official newsletter of the
International Save the Pun Foundation.
It is published for the inspiration and enjoyment of its members.
____________________________________________
Membership in the foundation comes in 4 sizes:
$29.00 for 1 year, $55.00 for 2 years, $80.00 for 3 years, and lasts and lasts, a Life Membership, which includes 5 years of the Pundit with a certificate of Life Membership, suitable for framing for $125.00.
Managing editor: Maggie Leithead
Circulation Manager: Tym Tureenu
Customer Service: Leslie Mortimer
Publisher: Jim Hilborn
Chairman of the Bored: Norman Gilbert
_________________________________________________
The International Save the Pun Foundation,
Box 5040, Station A, Toronto On M5W1N4, Canada
Tel (416) 223 3351, Fax (416) 223 2236,
E mail ngilbert@netcom.ca
Soon on the web at www.punpunpun.com
Norman Gilbert ISSN 072-1318
September 1997
Summer came and went.
The flora is turning gray.
The green was well spent.
In July we visited James Lipton and his collection of collectives, notably, An Exaltation of Larks. We extend herewith our congratulations to two paranomasiacs who have earned extensive extensions to their respective memberships; i.e. they answered our call for collectives and collected a pair of months extra on their memberships in the ISTPF.
We reported on the Phrases that will Fray you that earned Chuck Burgess his extra two, and here too for two are the words of Frank Morgan, who challenges our challenge for collectives as follows: (and this is verbatim)
Re "Game of Venery" (July, 1997 P.1 Col.2)
"Venery", has two meanings ( a good sign for punsters). Both are termed "archaic", which means that they went out with Noah's sister Auntie Diluvia.
One involves sexual activity (f. Venus a.k.a. Aphrodite);
One concerns big game hunting (f. L venery).
These are two of three important sins rendered venial by the veneer of respectability they have by being so venerable. One is vinery (see Noah).
Nevertheless, for your contest they do illicit a question combining hunting and sex.
"Is it true that rhinoceros horn is an Afro-disiac?"
The only answer I ever heard to this was itself a question. It came from a Canadian poacher, who breakfasted on ostrich eggs.
"Of course it's true", he said. "otherwise would I go safari?"
so far, in fact, that I'd tend to call it an afardisiac.
"Anyway", he continued, "what's it all coming to? They say that the producer of even the most innocuous nature films is now heavily into aphrodisneyacts. Whatever the market will decide (he sniffed) when comes to buy and sellacious...."
I left him therewith to rheuminnate, since he seemed to have genetic predisposition to grass allergies. When he veldt better, maybe he'd go out and bag some more nomadic roaminants, on that rheumy plain.
Member Frank has just moved to Wilderness Drive (no kidding ) in Kitchener.
The following excerpt off the web comes from our very own Punster of the Year, Gary Hallock. He's the Major Dumbo for the group called,
"Punsters Unite Nearly Yearly"
...And this is just a glimpse of the fabulous pun these puny people are having:
A group of Lebanese guerillas were on trial in Beirut for a terrorist bombing. Jury selection was underway and their lawyer knew they were guilty. He speculated privately with the terrorists that the only way
that they could hope for anything less than a death sentence was to stack the jury with people sympathetic to their cause. In other words, LIFE IS
JUST HEZBOLLAH JURIES.
Message From The Hallock Entity <c.hallock@mail.utexas.edu>
For those of us fortunate enough to be Jacked up to the Webb, you need not count on just the fax. You can log on or in or at the different pun sites and enjoy worldwide word play just for the dialing. This really neat group is:
Member James Hotchkiss of Orinda, CA tells us that he's been watching a lot of action movies set in hotels. He says, "...there's always a chase scene. Most of the time part of the chase goes through the kitchen. In the wild course of action, pots and pans (and even chefs) go flying all over, and half the food ends up on the floor. I got to wondering if the kitchen would be able to continue preparing and serving dinners that evening. I decided that they could if they were innovative and changed the menu a little bit to adjust to what had happened. I visualized a fine five-course dinner consisting of:
Appetizer: Pate de floor grease
Salad: Tossed greens with blew cheese
Soup: Soup de sewer
Entree:
Sole floor in tins
Dessert: Chocolate mess"
Sounds like a meal from Bolemia.
...And from Nepean Ontario member Pat McAlpine, "submits a few groaners"
•Ø I can't be over the hill -- every day is still an up hill battle...
•Ø Why not reduce the voting age to 14 - Isn't that when they know everything...
•Ø Arthritis - twinges in the hinges...
•Ø This old fellah tells me he's taking both tranquilizers and pep pills... he doesn't know if he's calming or going...
•Ø There is not much fun in medicine -- but there's a lot of medicine in fun...
•Ø Humour is a lot like manure to a farmer - it's not much good unless you spread it around...
...And last, Pat asks, "are you at the age when you go to bed at the crack of yawn?
•v The word world as we know it has reveled in the glories of the fine old Professor Spooner, and more modernly, the quick swinging words of former Yankee catcher, and manager Yogi Berra. We've been blessed by many of his colourful descriptions and to not share them during this 1997 baseball season would be like getting caught stealing. So, here is a sampling of baseball foonerisms that are attributed to Yogi:
•· A nickel isn't worth a dime today.
•· It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future.
•· It's like deja vu all over again.
•· It ain't over till it's over.
•· Ninety percent of baseball is mental; the other half is physical.
•· You can observe a lot just by watching.
•· If you come to a fork in the road take it. We made too many wrong mistakes.
•· No one ever goes there any more. It's too crowded.
•· The future ain't what it used to be.
...Another Yankee baseball statesman, Casey Stengel, obviously tutored Yogi in colourful isms as is shown in the following:
•· All right, everybody line up alphabetically according to your height.
•· Being with a woman never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in. ...in the same vein it has been purportedly reported that he said, "You gotta learn that if you don't get it by midnight, chances are you ain't gonna get it, and if you do it ain't worth it". We give thanks to these two yanks for these shanks.
Now the news on the new Pundit web site. I've seen the drafts. There are some changes and additions to be made but nevertheless it is exciting being so close to being there. Here for your previewing pleasure is an outline of the punpunpun web site.
The opening screen tells us about the ISTPF, its founder, John Crosbie, and then invites us to browse through the site screens at:
•1) The Pun: definition and examples;
•2) Puns to share? (Your opportunity to share your paranomasiacal talents with the rest of the www;
•3) This week's puns; a show of the puns sent in by members, puns created by editorial staff members, puns unintended over heards and "hey puns";
•4) Punster's of the Year; a list and "bio" of each POTY ever since inception of this higher order of paranamours in 1989 and
•5) The Pundit the official newsletter of the ISTPF; a how where when and why you should become a member.
The good news is that by the time you receive this issue, you will be able to get caught in our web, and get caught up in it too. There is no bad news.
As our new cyber era begins, we are able to continue the battle on aliteracy via mail, the fax,
e mail, and now, the web.
To view and re -view the site mark, your favourite bookmark on
Once again, we extend congratulations to Chuck Burgess and Frank Morgan, on their extension of membership.
See you in October.
Volume 18, Number 9
--------------------
The Pundit is the official newsletter of the International Save the Pun Foundation. It is for the enjoyment and inspiration of its members.
Membership
$29 for 1 year $55 for 2 years $80 for 3 years. Life membership in the ISTPF is $125. It includes 5 years of the Pundit.
Managing Editor: Maggie Leithead
Circulation Manager: Tym Tureenu
Customer Service: Leslie Mortimer
Publisher: Jim Hilborn
Desktop stuff and full time critc: Rosanna Borgh
Chairman of the Bored: Norman Gilbert
The International Save the Pun Foundation, Box 5040, Station A, Toronto, Ontario, M5W1N4 Canada
Email: ngilbert@netcom.ca
December 1997
The Poinsettia's
The season's holly flower,
And that's media.
By now, if you have access to the web, you have visited our site, punpunpun.com. There is so much on it, in it, around it, and from it, that we have dedicated much of this issue to the puns and word play stuff that we have gleaned from cyberspace.
"As a life-long punster myself", Ric Johnson admitted, "I was very gratified with this, my 4 year old son's first pun try." Ric goes on to say that, "The quality of this one is testimony to the agony he's going to inflict on others for years to come."
"What do you call a sports car made of wood?" David asked.
"A Lumber- Ghini."
"P.S. My son is now 10 years old and still punning." Well, David seems to have the wisdom of
King Solomon.
This from space, from an emailer named Jonathon May. He suggests that, "When generals grow old
they develop bellicose veins."
Here from Dennis Rohrs of the U.K. is his story of his trip to Stratford-on-Avon.
"I got into a discussion with a young lady about limericks. She recited one of her own.
'A young belly dancer from Fez
Was seduced by an "old boy" from K.E.S.
He said, "Come my dear,
Let me be your sheik spear."
They were last seen exeunt omnes.'
(K.E.S. is the affectionate name for King's English School.)"
In the July 1997 issue of the Pundit we reported to you that Vincent Van Gogh had relatives that would go if they could go. Member Dick Pemberton of Lexington, Ma looked ups the VVG family tree and found a few more in the Gogh gang.
•· His nephew, psychoanalyst, E. Gogh.
•· An American second cousin travelling in Mexico, Green Gogh.
•· His fruit loving uncle, Man Gogh
•· His sister's kid in the RV, Winnie Bey Gogh
•· His jumpy little brother, Poe Gogh.
Say good night Dick. You must Gogh. But before you do, can we hear a couple of your horse stories that you've been nagging to tell. "Neigh," he said at first but then trotted out these tails.
There was a jockey whose last request was to ride to his final resting place in a yellow van (Gogh no more) so that he could ride a hearse of a different color. Joust one more, Dick. Then, goodnight. There was a horse from Pennsylvania with laryngitis. It was a Philly filly, which was a hoarse horse of course.
Paul A.J. Speller from London England dropped by for a bit of pun. He suggested that he had not heard us mention the name Tim Vine, who is "the king of puns" and that he should be a nominee for Punster of the Year. Paul sent along some of Tim's works and asked that we share them.
"I was talking to a shepherd who was selling his flock at 50% off. I said,
'That's sheep at half the price!'"
"I was at a party and I was wearing my new pictorial shirt. I said to this girl,
'What do you think of this shirt? It's got cactuses all over it.'
She said, 'Cacti'.
'Never mind the tie, what do you think of the shirt?"
I was in the butcher's the other day; he said to me, "I'll bet you fifty pounds you can't reach that meat up there."
I said, I'm not betting, the steaks are too high."
Paul then jumped on the pun bandwagon and created some puns of his own.
A film was made in Vietnam giving osculation instructions to the actors? It was called,
Oh Pucker Lips Now.
A hog visiting the zoo spied a hippopotamus wallowing in the mud. "What kind of a thing is that to do?" said the hog. I thought, "now that's hypocritical."
To end his email missive, Paul said that he was up until 3 a.m. typing this letter. He signed it,
"Since early,
Paul Speller"
What's another word for synonym?
Juan was always upset with his sister, Sue. You see she was a spendthrift (oxymoron?). After having gone broke for the third time, she took a page out of Juan's how-to "Book of Frugality", now Sue can live as cheaply as Juan.
Investment advisor, member, and prominent provider of word play ideas to these pages, James M. Hotchkiss, Jr. tells us that he suggests to his clients that if they invest in bath soap, they can bubble their money but they find the concept too slippery to grab hold of. "So, I tell them it doesn't have to be bath soap. It can be granulated. They still think the idea is flaky and that their money would probably go down the drain."
KID'S KORNER or, kids say, "Darn these things."
•· Mushrooms always grow in damp places. That's why they look like umbrellas.
•· A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, two mole arms, and six cuspidors.
•· A planet is a body of earth surrounded by sky.
•· Vacuum is a large empty space where the Pope lives.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
Tyler G. Kaus of Boulder, Co offers us this punecdote.
Once a year, on the anniversary of the day he retired, a Shakespearean actor officiated at a ceremonial family dinner. The main course, of course, was a giant Virginia ham. He doused it with a fine bottle of fine cognac and set it a blaze. While it was burning he recited the famous "To be or not to be..." soliloquy. The family referred to this histrionic performance as their annual HAMLIT ceremony.
Tyler also asks,"What do you call the noises made by a gambler, who bets his entire bankroll on one last toss of the dice in hopes that his ship will come in...only to discover that his 'ship' foundered and sank?"
Crap sighs.
Punster of the Year 1997,
Gary Hallock, has filled our pages with tuns of puns, and he promises that his sorely missed newsletter, "Pun Intended", is back on the front burners and will soon be available again. In October this year he sent what he calls,"...one of the funniest collections of pun things that I've seen floating through my net in a while." These were among winners in a New York magazine contest in which contestants were to take a well- known expression in a foreign language, change a single letter, and provide a definition for the new expression.
•· Harley-Vous Francais? -- Can you drive a French motorcycle?
•· Veni, Vipi, Vici -- I came, I'm a very important person, I conquered.
•· Cogito eggo sum -- I think; therefore, I am a waffle.
•· Cogito ergo Sam -- Sam I am (I think)
•· Rigor Morris-- The cat is dead.
•· Posh Mortem -- Death styles of the rich and famous.
•· Monage a trois -- I am 3 years old.
•· Quip pro quo -- A fast retort.
•· Visa la France -- Don't leave your chateau without it.
•· Mazel ton -- tons of luck.
Back to the web and some comments made by visitors who were happy they did.
Keith Hart of the U.K. presents us with this question,
"What do you say to some one who has just given you a watch or a clock?"
Thank you, there is no present like the time.
Michael Burke on marriage...
When two chefs marry, do they consomme the marriage?
With so many marriages breaking up due to credit problems, a new adaptation of old marriage vows now reads,
"Until debt do us part."
We invited Pun, Toon, Eunice and Grinny to visit us and to bring along with their creator Mack Rowe. The book, 'Puntoons! Tons of Puns!' is available directly from:
MRVC press,
P.O. Box 89,
Madison, Va 22727
( for $11.45 which includes S& H.)
And so we come to the end of another punfilled year.
All of us here at the Foundation home office wish all of you all over the world,
Peace, health and happiness.
Volume 18 number 12
The Pundit is the official newsletter of the
International Save the Pun Foundation.
It is published for the inspiration and enjoyment of its members.
Membership in the foundation comes in 4 sizes:
$29.00 for 1 year, $55.00 for 2 years, $80.00 for 3 years, or a Life Membership, which includes 5 years of the Pundit and a certificate of Life Membership, suitable for framing, for $125.00.
Circulation Manager: Tym Tureenu
Customer Service: Leslie Mortimer
Publisher: Jim Hilborn
Chairman of the Bored: Norman Gilbert
The International Save the Pun Foundation,
Box 5040, Station A, Toronto On M5W1N4, Canada
Tel (416) 223 3351, Fax (416) 223 2236,
E mail ngilbert@netcom.ca
Visit us on the web at http://www.punpunpun.com/
Copyright ©2000-2010 PunPunPun.com. All Rights Reserved. Privacy Policy
